I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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