im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
