Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
