What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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