I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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