my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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