U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
