you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
