u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
