Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
