stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
