I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
