Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
