You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
