Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
