He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
