I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
