no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I will pee on everything he values.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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