I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
