Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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