non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
