We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
