you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
