Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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