He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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