the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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