Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
