ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
