Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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