god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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