ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
