She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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