my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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