Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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