The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
