We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
