i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
