I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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