that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
