And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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