Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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