when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
