I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
