dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Randomize
