You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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