why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
