i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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