I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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