what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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