i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
